The Liz Truss era is upon us, and while you might expect us to indulge in the kind of trite banter you’ve seen elsewhere online – an observation that real-life politics is very much imitating that sitcom based on real-life politics, perhaps, or a thread matching the common variety of colours worn by the prime minister with the common variety of colours bins come in – our job is to stoically welcome the next digital minister.
Indeed, on Wednesday 7 September, you may have seen us outside Downing Street, in full town crier dress, ringing in the anointment of former WWE marketing executive Michelle Donelan.
Of course, as she enters the ring – for some reason dressed as the referee – she must tag out Nadine Dorries, a person who, in all fairness to her, has proven herself to be an unfailing source of national shame. Fans of transparent, sordid populism will understandably be concerned at the thought of someone almost half her age coming in and ridding the department of that unmistakeable grovelling careerist musk, but to those people, we can report that Donelan has gone on record as recently as this summer to distance herself from a word defined in the Oxford Dictionary as simply being “aware of social and political issues, especially racism”.
“Anybody that would know me would know that I’m certainly not woke,” she proudly crowed on GB News back in July.
This is getting a bit depressing. Let’s finish with a joke:
Why does the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport’s wireless network only reach as far as the front door?
Because Michelle Done-a-LAN!
Oh, fine, go back to your silly little threads, then.